


Silent Lies

by Perlumi



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Family, Lies, M/M, Memories, Other, Triangle Bill Cipher, canon character death, minor self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 14:58:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12111213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perlumi/pseuds/Perlumi
Summary: Stanford fell in love once, and the world almost ended.So if you ask him, no, he doesn't miss Bill. Or at least he tries not to.





	Silent Lies

**Author's Note:**

> After more than a year of just lurking in the shadows, occasionnaly reading and reviewing fics, I'm happy to be able to contribute to the Gravity Falls fandom, and to the Billford ship. I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it ! 
> 
> If you ever want to talk, I'm @lamerdeseslarmes on Tumblr ! -^^-

Mabel falls head over heels in love almost every week. Stan shrugs it off -Dipper and her are just kids, and who hasn’t had an awkward crush when they were twelve ? (Stanford didn’t.) Dipper tries not to show it but it frightens him, his sister’s ability to love someone at first glance, to become obsessed with them like this, finally to move on quickly. (He’s still not over Wendy, but he won’t admit it.) He cares for Mabel, and doesn’t want her to get hurt.

As for Stanford, he says nothing. The others never ask for his opinion on this, at least. But Stanford sees it all, and says nothing. It’s easier this way. So when Mabel asks him if he’s even been in love, Stanford says : no. The lie is easy. Easier than to tell your grand-niece, whose biggest dream is to have a _summer romance_ , that yes, you did fall in love once.

You fell in love once, and the world almost ended.

Mabel pouts, but she doesn’t insist. Yet, somehow, there’s something in her eyes, a glimmer of understanding that should _definitely not be there_. Mabel hugs him and Stanford can feel himself shudder, because Bill, Bill was so _warm_ too, in the quiet of the mindscape.

*

They burn the artefacts, all of them. They watch them burn, all of them, and they roast marshmallows with the fire. They laugh, all of them, and it’s the best evening Stanford has ever had in… (something like thirty years, whispers a vicious voice in his mind.) Forever. The best evening he’s ever had in forever.

The best evening. In forever. With his family. And Stanford laughs and he fits in there, with Stan and Dipper and Mabel, even with Soos and Wendy. He belongs there, he knows it.

Bill’s all-seeing eye burns in the night, till nothing’s left but ashes. And Stanford knows Dipper double-checked after him, to see if Ford didn’t hid one of his many (too many, not enough) Bill related objects. The lack of trust should make Ford uneasy, but no. Dipper is right. Dipper is right and goes as far as to scratch away every tiny Bill Ford engraved into the walls, carved onto the floors. The boy’s eyes glow with panicked fervor as he goes on with this task. Dipper knows better than anyone what harm Bill can do, how dangerous Bill can be. (Lies. It’s all l i e s. Stanford knows better.)

So they burn the artefacts, all of them, and Dipper silently asks Ford if he hasn’t concealed one of them, somewhere else. Ford says : no. The lie is easy. Easier than to tell your grandnephew, whose biggest fear is a dream demon now forever haunting his nightmares that yes, there are more.

There are more of them that you branded into yourself, carved in your own skin with quiet devotion, and they make your heart burn, _burn_ into the dead of the night.

Ford smiles and ruffles Dipper’s hair. His nephew looks at him with admiration, and Ford can feel himself shudder because he knows this look, he _knows_ it. He used to look at Bill with the same adoration in the eyes, too.

*

Smart guy, Bill says. (smartguygeniusbrainiaciqbrilliant m i n d–) Ford wakes up to the feeling of black silk-like arms touching him. His mouth is dry, his throat tight. Slowly, he puts a six-fingered hand over his mouth, nails scratching slightly at his stubble. His hand is calloused and feels rough, nothing like how Bill’s inhumanely soft fingers used to feel against his heated skin all those years ago. Ford closes his eyes, tries to fight back the memories of Bill that surround him.

He remembers how Bill would possess him, how they had learnt to share his body, how Ford relished in having the control taken away from him. Unconsciously, his lips have started moving against his fingers. (He remembers how he used to kiss his own hand, the one Bill had control over. He remembers how good it felt, to be this intimate with a god, his god. How he felt his own breath hitch, more heated than before.)

Then Ford bites down, hard, and blood trips on his shirt. Everything was a lie, and he shouldn’t delude himself further. Hasn’t he already made a fool out of himself long enough ?  
The day after, he’ll tell Stan that he fought off a monster (that’s Gravity Falls for you, right?!). Stan’s eyes will narrow, but he’ll say nothing.

But for now, as he tries to fall asleep again, his wounded hand clutched on the fabric of his shirt, right over his heart, Ford knows that he has lost.

…

He falls asleep soon after, a shy smile on his bloodied lips, hollow praises echoing through his mind.

*

The two brothers spend a lot more time together now. They don’t fight anymore, and the bitterness has gone. (Well. Mostly. It isn’t visible anymore at least.)

(Stan still wakes up shivering at night, convinced that Ford resent him, that Ford never loved him.) (They’re just thoughts, he tells himselfs. Nightmares.)

Stan is glad to have his brother back. Ford is glad his brother regained his memories. Most of the time, they make it work. But once in a while, one of them slips. Memories from another time haunt them. Stan isn’t sure they’re even real. Ford knows they’re too real, and they taste like regret.

“Hey Sixer”, Stan says. And sometimes Ford’s eyes widen, his smile shatters and his hands tighten into fists. “Hey bro, is something wrong ?” Stan worries.

Ford shakes his head, faking a smile he hopes convincing. Stanford says : no. The lie is easy. Easier than to tell your twin brother, who _sacrificed_ himself for his family, for you, because he loves you more than anything, that you hate this name now.

You hate this name now, because Bill tainted it, Bill went as far as to ruin your childhood memories.

Ford says nothing, listens to his brother, to his rapsy voice that’s nothing like Bill’s. Bill’s voice, as annoying as it really were, sent shivers of pleasure down Ford’s spine, and Bill called him Sixer and touched him and it was _perfect_.

*  
Everything is calm in Gravity Falls now. Sure, there are still some weird occurrences sometimes -gnomes stealing pies, a triple-headed bear blasting off Disco Girl so loudly the entire forest can hear- but that’s about it. Nothing too weird, nothing out of the ordinary. And it’s fine, truly.

For the first time in thirty years Stanford doesn’t have to run, doesn’t have to watch his back. Days in Gravity Falls are sunny, filled with Mabel’s laughter and Dipper’s last discoveries.

And Bill is dead.

Bill is dead and finally Ford can sleep without fearing the demon will haunt his dreams. Bill is dead and they burned everything.

Sometimes Ford still flinches, though. Because of a sudden noise like an echo of laughter in the woods, or a triangular shaped hole in a tree. But Bill’s All-seeing Eye is closed forever now, and Ford is safe.

… It is hard to believe he is truly free of Bill. Hard to believe that it’s finally over, after all these years. His brother sacrificed himself for them all, and he saved them all.  
And Bill is dead and the days are bright and slow, perfect and uneventful.

Isn’t this life boring ? He asks himself.

Stanford says : no. Nobody can hear him now, nobody will ever be able to hear his thoughts again. But he says no, of course he’s not bored, he loves everything about this life. If he says it loud enough maybe he will convince himself. Maybe one day he will truly feel this way.

So the lie is easy. Easier than to admit that you’re bored. Bill is dead and you didn’t even get to kill him yourself. Bill is dead and the only thing you’ve got now is a statue in the woods. (He thought about desecrating it, once. He will do it, one day.)

The truth is that Stanford Pines is bored and wishes he had something to look forward to.

(you lost, Ford. D'you really think you could get rid of me this easily ? Calm down buddy ! I don’t wanna ruin it for ya but it’s a bit too late, don'tcha think ? Oh, you can say whatever you want. That you don’t love me anymore, that you never loved me, you hate me, you wanna kill me, yadda yadda. I don’t care, Stanford. Thing is : you lost. Because guess what ? For more than thirty years I’ve been the only thing on your mind, Fordsy. Doesn’t matter if it’s because you wanted to annihilate me. The result’s the same : now I’m gone and you’re bored. Don’t worry though, Ford. Not everything I say is a lie ; you’re really gonna die at ninety-two. So, think you can bear to live so many years without me ?)

This is no good this is no good this is no good-

Ford can’t recall the last time he heard Bill’s voice inside of his head. He knows he’s dreaming it, he has to be, because Bill’s fucking dead and he won’t come back, never

(Hey Ford, do you miss me yet?)

Stanford says nothing. It’s only been a few days, and he’s already tired of lying. His entire mind begs him not to answer, to laugh at Bill -like he should, because Bill isn’t even there anymore, Bill is d e a d and

“Yes.”

Everything is quiet. Ford’s heart is hammering inside his chest. He expected Bill’s laughter to taunt him. But everything is silent.

Oh. Yeah. Right. Bill can’t answer him after all.


End file.
